For some, the word ‘stop’ and ‘no’ are perceived to be as a turn on, as words to be ignored. This is wrong, but it is what we are brought up to believe. It’s part of ”teasing” but how far can one tease without it going too far? It is a dangerous game that involves too many risks. The confusion between how a ‘no’ is said or how it was meant is a debate that has happened within people I have personally encountered. The lines become blurry and it becomes a he said, she said situation.
In the movie, Filly Brown, there was a great example where after a couple drinks a male and female go into a small room upstairs. When it begins to get hot and heavy, the girl asks for the guy to stop. At first it is said gently, calmly, and with a bit of a sexual undertone to it. The second time and any time after, it was obvious she meant it. When he didn’t stop, she proceeded to smack him and in return he punched her in the face. Immediately after, he looked frightened and apologized and insinuated that it was reflex and then said these words, “So why did we come up here then. Why did you come up here!” He then stormed out, confused, scared, angry, and disorientated. It became a traumatic experience for both. Of course we can easily jump to who was more hurt or he was a cruel person, but if we sit back and evaluate the situation sociologically, a lot is learned. Questions arise, such as: why did he look so frightened?; why was he shocked about his own actions?; why does he have these assumptions set up in his mind?; why does he feel entitled?; and why didn’t she firmly say stop the first time?
There are far more questions that can be listed, but the point is this is an issue that absolutely needs attention – before people continue to hurt each other and themselves.